My hair is just on my nerves lately! Its just in that awkward stage wear it is too long to have out of your face, but it is too short to do anything with it." I can't even put it in a pony tail man! I'm PIST!" I don't know what to do anymore. My head says cut it and do a foe hawk and you will solve the problem with it out of your face and being too hot for summer. Then my gut says to tough it out and grow it man, chill... its just an awkward stage. Then that will solve the problem with it being too short and not being able to do anything with it.
I have graduating pictures to do this week also. I have to hurry and make up my mind. cut it or not to cut it? some people say do not cut it, when I said I was officially going to cut it. Then people say that would look cute. you should. your not getting any younger. when you get older you can't do it that short anymore, so do it now while your still you.
to be continued....
Monday, April 23, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Weirdo Cravings :p
As any girl would know... we all have craving for something and some weirdo cravings.
For, like 2 weeks I have been craving OLIVES! Weird huh? I don't even remember the last time I had a craving for olives was. But as girls we kinda go crazy if we don't meet our craving(s). Well that was exactly what I was doing... going crazy.
Yesterday night I finely bought a can of Olives... for only .99 cents. cha ching, deal! Well this morning I put it in my purse so I could eat them. When I got to school I realized one thing... I needed a can opener. So I asked everybody if they had a can opener. And to my surprise no one had one. Its not like we're at school or anything and no one carries a random can opener with them. So for about 23 minutes I went looking for a can opener. I went to four different class rooms and seriously no one had a can opener. At this point I was going insane. I think at least sometime someone asked if I was on my period. That's when I started to feel, as Mandy would say "RAGE!" I needed a dang can opener and I would be fine. I finally found someone who has a can opener, but there class room was on the other side of the school. I thought to myself... "What a wonderful day to where heals." But I was still determined to get that can opener, so I can stop my craving and my insanity.
I really am great full for cravings... if I didn't have cravings, then I wouldn't have the enjoyment of meeting their needs. I love Olives :)
For, like 2 weeks I have been craving OLIVES! Weird huh? I don't even remember the last time I had a craving for olives was. But as girls we kinda go crazy if we don't meet our craving(s). Well that was exactly what I was doing... going crazy.
Yesterday night I finely bought a can of Olives... for only .99 cents. cha ching, deal! Well this morning I put it in my purse so I could eat them. When I got to school I realized one thing... I needed a can opener. So I asked everybody if they had a can opener. And to my surprise no one had one. Its not like we're at school or anything and no one carries a random can opener with them. So for about 23 minutes I went looking for a can opener. I went to four different class rooms and seriously no one had a can opener. At this point I was going insane. I think at least sometime someone asked if I was on my period. That's when I started to feel, as Mandy would say "RAGE!" I needed a dang can opener and I would be fine. I finally found someone who has a can opener, but there class room was on the other side of the school. I thought to myself... "What a wonderful day to where heals." But I was still determined to get that can opener, so I can stop my craving and my insanity.
I really am great full for cravings... if I didn't have cravings, then I wouldn't have the enjoyment of meeting their needs. I love Olives :)
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Faith and Hope in Christ
I was having a pretty normal day yesterday... went to school... went home... went to my last appointment ever with my BAM exisisting Therapist as we should all know as... went to talk to important peeps(dcfs)... then hung out with Marie at Closet Revival, window shopping (no spending I promise)... went to talk to more of my important peeps.... then went home. Same old, play by play.
When I got home, I tried on new clothes from my important peeps and heard my mom, Marie listening to the answering machine. As Marie called to me,"Mariah, your mom called and left a message for you!" What she didn't know was that I heard the message, which my mom said on it was, my younger brother John, who is 14 years old got his teeth knocked out again from playing basket ball with his friends.... he's okay. he went to the dentist and they said he will be okay, my mom said.
All I could think was... is he going to be okay? how did it happen? was it really a basketball or something or someone else? I felt panicked! All I could do is sit on the floor and cry. I didn't know what to think. The're my little brothers and I would do anything for them.
Well... after I cried for a while, I looked into the mirror and told myself that everything is going to be okay and its probably nothing. I took a deep breath and went and did scripture study and prayer with my family. But all I could think about is my younger brother. I was so worried. After scriptures we had prayer and asked our Heavenly Father that he will bless my younger brothers and especially John and his teeth. And I prayed in my heart, he will be comforted. I also prayed that my worst fears aren't real and they will be fine. As we ended... I opened my teared up eyes and went to call my mom. No one answers, so I left a message telling her I heard the message and I was worried and to call me back. As I was sitting on the couch staring into the phone wondering when she would call, if it was going to be in a few seconds or in a couple of hours or days. Marie asks me why am I still upset. And what is the real reason I am upset. I ponder these words she says as I am trying to get the words I fear the most, out. "What if it wasn't a basketball? How do you know it was a basketball?" As I finish those words, I feel myself bubbling up, ready to create an enormous pool of water. Then she asks, "What if it was a Basketball accident?" As I look into her loving, concerned eyes... I feel scared, but peace at the same time. Marie told me I can't live my life by the what ifs or the things that scare you that most. I have to live like it was a basketball accident. Have Faith and Hope in Christ that everything is going to be okay. We can't live in fear forever or I am not going to get anywhere. If we have Faith and Hope you are always going to get somewhere.
After my emotional talk that comforted me with peace. My mom called back... I hurried and answered it. she told me that she was sorry she missed my calls. Then she told me the story about what happened to John, which got me all worked up again....( by the way I don't think this is a true story at all). My mom said John was playing basketball with his friends and he did a slam dunk and his two front teeth got caught in the net and ripped them out, but not fully out. So my dad took him to the dentists. They tried to fix them as best as they could and said his teeth have a 50/50 chance of dying or living. I asked my mom if John told her this is what happened and if he is there, so I can talk to him. She said no that John is not there with her, because she is at work and John couldn't talk and my dad told her this. I asked her, so dad told you this? she said yes, because he was the only one there.
I don't believe this story at all. It doesn't even seem realistic to me... especially coming from my dad. He's not really a reliable source. I don't know what to think anymore. Either my fear, reality, or my hope is what I have to choose from. Marie told me to wait for John to call and talk to me and tell me his story.
When I had to face these choices. I remembered the words to a song called...
"Live Like We're Dying"
When I got home, I tried on new clothes from my important peeps and heard my mom, Marie listening to the answering machine. As Marie called to me,"Mariah, your mom called and left a message for you!" What she didn't know was that I heard the message, which my mom said on it was, my younger brother John, who is 14 years old got his teeth knocked out again from playing basket ball with his friends.... he's okay. he went to the dentist and they said he will be okay, my mom said.
All I could think was... is he going to be okay? how did it happen? was it really a basketball or something or someone else? I felt panicked! All I could do is sit on the floor and cry. I didn't know what to think. The're my little brothers and I would do anything for them.
Well... after I cried for a while, I looked into the mirror and told myself that everything is going to be okay and its probably nothing. I took a deep breath and went and did scripture study and prayer with my family. But all I could think about is my younger brother. I was so worried. After scriptures we had prayer and asked our Heavenly Father that he will bless my younger brothers and especially John and his teeth. And I prayed in my heart, he will be comforted. I also prayed that my worst fears aren't real and they will be fine. As we ended... I opened my teared up eyes and went to call my mom. No one answers, so I left a message telling her I heard the message and I was worried and to call me back. As I was sitting on the couch staring into the phone wondering when she would call, if it was going to be in a few seconds or in a couple of hours or days. Marie asks me why am I still upset. And what is the real reason I am upset. I ponder these words she says as I am trying to get the words I fear the most, out. "What if it wasn't a basketball? How do you know it was a basketball?" As I finish those words, I feel myself bubbling up, ready to create an enormous pool of water. Then she asks, "What if it was a Basketball accident?" As I look into her loving, concerned eyes... I feel scared, but peace at the same time. Marie told me I can't live my life by the what ifs or the things that scare you that most. I have to live like it was a basketball accident. Have Faith and Hope in Christ that everything is going to be okay. We can't live in fear forever or I am not going to get anywhere. If we have Faith and Hope you are always going to get somewhere.
After my emotional talk that comforted me with peace. My mom called back... I hurried and answered it. she told me that she was sorry she missed my calls. Then she told me the story about what happened to John, which got me all worked up again....( by the way I don't think this is a true story at all). My mom said John was playing basketball with his friends and he did a slam dunk and his two front teeth got caught in the net and ripped them out, but not fully out. So my dad took him to the dentists. They tried to fix them as best as they could and said his teeth have a 50/50 chance of dying or living. I asked my mom if John told her this is what happened and if he is there, so I can talk to him. She said no that John is not there with her, because she is at work and John couldn't talk and my dad told her this. I asked her, so dad told you this? she said yes, because he was the only one there.
I don't believe this story at all. It doesn't even seem realistic to me... especially coming from my dad. He's not really a reliable source. I don't know what to think anymore. Either my fear, reality, or my hope is what I have to choose from. Marie told me to wait for John to call and talk to me and tell me his story.
When I had to face these choices. I remembered the words to a song called...
"Live Like We're Dying"
Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying..
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late
Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone
Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying
Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..
We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying..
Friday, March 23, 2012
Spring Break was BORING!!
My spring break was boring... even though it was a break from school. I still had a bunch of changes and work all the time.
I hate changes!!! If you know me of course this is not the 1st time hearing this from me. But i sincerely do. that is just a fact. just to let the world know that what i am saying right now don't take it to heart, 1st, I am on one, 2nd, I am just going to say what I think and feel!
What ticked me off first was having to work almost every day, every afternoon. Then I got to work and I needed to get off a couple of days and it turned out that I couldn't. Somewhere there was a miss understanding in the schedules of when they come out and when you have to request days off before hand. It was chaos in my noggin man.You don't even know.
Next... i went to a therapy session with my foster mom on that spring break Wednesday. While we were talking to Janet my therapist. She let out a surprise to Marie and I. In a kind loving way Janet told us that she is not going to be my therapist and she is pertinently not being a therapist any longer. So I have that. I cant believe it. Not in my life I would never of thought she would lay this on me.
I hate changes!!! If you know me of course this is not the 1st time hearing this from me. But i sincerely do. that is just a fact. just to let the world know that what i am saying right now don't take it to heart, 1st, I am on one, 2nd, I am just going to say what I think and feel!
What ticked me off first was having to work almost every day, every afternoon. Then I got to work and I needed to get off a couple of days and it turned out that I couldn't. Somewhere there was a miss understanding in the schedules of when they come out and when you have to request days off before hand. It was chaos in my noggin man.You don't even know.
Next... i went to a therapy session with my foster mom on that spring break Wednesday. While we were talking to Janet my therapist. She let out a surprise to Marie and I. In a kind loving way Janet told us that she is not going to be my therapist and she is pertinently not being a therapist any longer. So I have that. I cant believe it. Not in my life I would never of thought she would lay this on me.
But I got to admit Spring Break was awesome, because I did get to spend more time with MARIE, of course! :) Thanks for turning my frown upside down Marie. I really appreciate it.
But I know that things will work out... Janet is the Bomb.com. And I will be able to take the things that she has taught me with me. Yes it is wonderful Marie... to be that important for amazing people to be in my life and care that much to want to be.
Thanks Marie for everything you do and done for me... I love you more! lol :P
Your the greatest!!! By the way I couldn't of done this thing I had a problem with and I didn't know what to do without you. The person that I am today wouldn't be me without you and BB.
Thanks Marie to the stars!
Monday, February 27, 2012
My First Live Basketball Game was AWESOME!!!!
MY FIRST LIVE BASKET BALL GAME WAS EPIC!!!!
I loved it! It was sooo intense. We even won state championship man. and another bonus...(I got a date with a cute guy ;p) I really enjoyed it.
I barely found Marie at the last few minutes of the game against Desert Hills. By the end of the game she was freaking out and really getting into it. She told me she usually doesn't like to wish for the other team to lose, but this time... she was in sane. She had hard feelings against the other team... I promise!
By the way Desert Hills I got to say... "Just Like Football!!" haha lol ;)
I loved it! It was sooo intense. We even won state championship man. and another bonus...(I got a date with a cute guy ;p) I really enjoyed it.
I barely found Marie at the last few minutes of the game against Desert Hills. By the end of the game she was freaking out and really getting into it. She told me she usually doesn't like to wish for the other team to lose, but this time... she was in sane. She had hard feelings against the other team... I promise!
By the way Desert Hills I got to say... "Just Like Football!!" haha lol ;)
Me and my Mom
February 17, 2012, on one of my visits with my mom I got to drive three hours mainly to st G and back. We saw Sherlock Holmes at the dollar theater in st G. It was sooo funny! I laughed almost the whole time. I had a great time spending time with my mom. We also went to Arctic Circle, got some lunch, and a cone for my birthday visit. My mom bought it this time ... usually I am the one who pays for half of it. But that's okay, because i understand my mom has a lot of bills and can't always spend money for none important things.
Later, we went to Wall-mart and she bought some matching rings for my birthday present. I really like it, but it has only been a week and the silver color is worn off. It turned to a copper color and now i have a dark green finger. I took it off to let my finger get back to its normal color.
My next visit with my mom on February 25, 2012 was on a Saturday, because my work scheduled me on Friday when I told them I need every Friday off.
I didn't get to hang with her as much as I wanted to. She had to go home early, because my dad told her to.
Besides all the stuff that happened, I am grateful for the time I got to spend with my mom. I love you mom know matter what. <3
your Mariah Jenny
Later, we went to Wall-mart and she bought some matching rings for my birthday present. I really like it, but it has only been a week and the silver color is worn off. It turned to a copper color and now i have a dark green finger. I took it off to let my finger get back to its normal color.
My next visit with my mom on February 25, 2012 was on a Saturday, because my work scheduled me on Friday when I told them I need every Friday off.
I didn't get to hang with her as much as I wanted to. She had to go home early, because my dad told her to.
Besides all the stuff that happened, I am grateful for the time I got to spend with my mom. I love you mom know matter what. <3
your Mariah Jenny
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